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lauren

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::thinking:: [Jul. 4th, 2005|09:27 pm]
lauren
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |::ali speaking:: look fireworks]

its haunting, the questions in your eyes. and the answers awaited.... but in the end even they are still unknown. one word, one touch, one single little lifeless movement and everything could be over. blink? i dare not. because even in that second you could be gone....::nervous::... what is this? this questioning you have brought upon me. ANSWERS even though i know them, they still seem to be unknown. its the lack of words that can not define the single most important or even smallest question asked. ::quick reply:: dont know wut to say so dont say anything. ::still waiting:: just say nothing. even "i dont know" has a million meanings, [like the color black it takes the color of those we can not see.] answers take longer to say then questions. ::TRUST:: it seems like you dont. ::FEELINGS:: they are hard to express. [its like the first time taking a step you dont know how so you wiggle and wobble and fall but eventually you learn.] see i dont know this. IM SORRY. does it cut it? no i guess not. even words can hurt. ::stand strong::......not around you. ::FALL::.... its what i do. ::LOVE:: even i dont understand it. i only know it in the friendly way and thats how i use it. EVEN WITH YOU. how do you know when i love you the unfriendly way? ::IM IN LOVE WITH YOU:: thats how. ::DROKE::.......(i hate you}. well thats the meaning to me. ::play with my hair::... thats how you calm me down. ::hold me tight::.. thats how you keep me forever. ::kiss my lips::... that how you know my feelings. ::look into my eyes::... thats how you find the truth. ::get me drunk::... thats how you get what you want. ::say some hurtfull words::.......thats how you lose me forever, but not really. i will still be there. ::BROKEN::...... and this time i wont bother picking up the pieces. ::confused?::.... so am i.
</3
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to my little love danielle [Jul. 2nd, 2005|11:27 pm]
lauren
[mood |i miss danielle!!!!!]
[music |rain drops falling on my head (danielle sings that)]

awww my little love
you do not suck trust me you dont!
i didnt read your last journal so
i dont know wut happened but i hope
you are feeling much better =] i
love you alot my love and i miss
you like 7364873659783494768354743
9843798632984793747 that much times
forever hehe awww i cant wait to get
home and see you =] i love you danielle.
i really do i havent seen you in about a
month and im pretty sure im going to die
soon if i dont get back home. ::MUAHHHHH::
(just letting you know that was the biggest
kiss in the world) heheh =] love you!!!
<3
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to david sanchez [Jul. 2nd, 2005|10:16 am]
lauren
[mood |sorry]

awwww david i ammm sooo fucking sorry
my computer was being a puta and didnt
want to let me sign back on. i feel really
bad =[. but im sure everything will be ok
and i hope you talk to her soon. =]
<3
linkpost comment

time [Jun. 30th, 2005|09:45 pm]
lauren
[mood |calmcalm]

i was thinking today while i was at work and i just realized that you could die
any second of any day. time is just ticking away and there is nothing you can do to stop it. i cant erase my past or make up for lost time with my family. specially my mother. i miss her soo much. and i just realized we dont spend much time together.
she knows nothing about me. and if i were to die today. i would have regreted not being with her more. im glad i caught this soon cuz i still have time to spend with
my mom before my kid years are lost and im all grown up. i love her soo much i really do but sometimes its just hard to talk to her. but all that will change when i get back home. i realized today how much i fucking adore my sister. she is
always there taking care of me, watching over me, and making me laugh. i love her to death. i was remembering when we were little and my mom would literally tuck us into bed so tight that we couldnt move and when my mom would get out of the room id ask ash if she could move or wiggle out of it. and lets face it WE COULDNT MOVE
haha. i remember playing baseball with the pillows at my grandmas house with my brother and sister. and i remember all of us sleeping in the same room and my sister would be asleep and marky would be talking on the phone to his girlfriend and i would randomly wake up and just sit there and listen to him talking. i remember endless hours of monopoly man we would love to play that game. i have so many random memories and even though they are soo little and might not seem like anything they still do mean the world to me. but the one memory i will always remember and always love will be when i would wake up every morning and find a kiss
mark by my mom on my cheek or forhead. i thought those were the greatest. you know the best part is there are tons more memories to come. and im not gonna sit around and just let them pass me by. i just wont you guys to realize how much time is really precious. dont let anything hold you back from doing something .............. you only have so much time make the best of it.
<3333
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dkjfuckyoukjdfloaj [Jun. 26th, 2005|06:41 pm]
lauren
[mood |crappycrappy]
[music |the early november]

if you could read me like a book
then you would have known how hard
it was to find the words to say and couldnt

....</3
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thats it its over........ [Jun. 26th, 2005|06:22 pm]
lauren
[music |fuck the world and my backstabbing friends. even my best one]

what makes me so different?
no one can answer that.
if anyone could it would be you.
so wuts your answer?
::silent::
::i dunno::
you dont know?
i am just another guy to you.
thats all i am. another fucking guy
::no baby your not.::
you cant even tell me wut makes me
different from all those other dick heads.
::you know wut makes you different from them?
its that i can talk to you. your the only
one that actually takes the time to understand
me.::
thats not the answer im looking for.
::i know.::
so thats it. that was your only chance. thats it?
::yes.::
you know wut mommas i gotta go.
dont even bother calling back or iming me
::silent::
i dont even know why your talking to me.
why are you talking to me?
::hangs up the phone::
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(no subject) [Jun. 25th, 2005|11:17 pm]
lauren
[mood |crushedcrushed]

to everyone that doesnt know wuts going on my last update
wasnt for you
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fuck off [Jun. 25th, 2005|11:15 pm]
lauren
[mood |crushedcrushed]

fuck my so called fucking piece of shit friends..
that fucking think they know me when they dont even
know half of the fucking shit thats going on.
talk all the fucking shit you want. but dont expect
me to fucking talk. i have nothing left to say.
</3
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boss.................... [Jun. 24th, 2005|08:38 pm]
lauren
got paid today so you know im soo totally buying you something
to make you happy. or try to get you happy. =] will it work?
linkpost comment

cold [Jun. 22nd, 2005|07:41 pm]
lauren
[mood |i feel nothing]

am i supposed to care?
.......i dont think i do....
i wish i was imortal and cold hearted like a vampire
.......it better at night anyways
...</3
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